i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
