What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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