Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Randomize
