I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Randomize
