Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
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