I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Randomize
