you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
You are a genius and a whore.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Randomize
