he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
