Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
Randomize
