I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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