one two three fourrrrnication!
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
