Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
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