He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
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