Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
Randomize
