some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize
