wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
i think i just lost a toe
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
