that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
Randomize
