It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
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