just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
Randomize
