I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
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