I skipped work to stalk him.
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
