I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
from now on my penis is your penis
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
