well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Randomize
