I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
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