He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
where are you?
Hypothermia
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
