love makes seman taste better
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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