I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
