Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
Randomize
