Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
Randomize
