So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
