If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize
