Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
Randomize
