Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
