i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
they need to just BURY HIM!
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
Randomize
