Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
