I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
