oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
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