Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
Randomize
