Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize
