Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
Randomize
