the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Randomize
