Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
