I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
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