She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
