Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
