the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
Randomize
