I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
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