Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
Randomize
