the condom got lost in my hair
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
