in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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