And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Randomize
