stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
