i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
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