I should be sponsored by Trojan
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
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