I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
cat food counts as protein by the way
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize