Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
Randomize
