it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
Randomize
