white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
Randomize
