Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
We just shotgunned beers for America
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Randomize
