You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
