You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
Randomize