I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
Randomize
