I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
