fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
There are leaves in my underwear?
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
