I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
im holly from the hills drunk
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
