New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
do herpes really smell.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
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