i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
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