Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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