I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
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