im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
I need moral support for this bender
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize
